Little World Blog

it’s so funny how quickly things can change.. 

At the end of last week, so many thoughts and ideas were running circles through my mind. “What is the best choice for you?” “You can just stick it out, it’ll be good in the long run” But now it’s the middle of this week and all those crazy thoughts have been grounded. I kept asking myself if this was a rash decision but I always came back to “everything happens for a reason on its own time,” which couldn’t be more true. I’m not a very rash person, most my decisions are well thought out and have multiple reasons behind them…it’s a blessing and a curse hahah.

After the decision to change was made I was talking with someone close to me about this season of my life and the effect it has had on me. It’s been rough, I’m not going to lie, but I genuinely feel so at peace now. I told her that I take everything as a lesson in life, the good and the bad that comes along with it. This was one of the first times where I truly felt each experience I’ve had has made an impact on me as a person. I learned a lot about myself within the last two years; however, in addition to learning new things about myself, I forgot who I was and always have been. I strayed away from that person. The person who was outgoing and social. The person who never got in their head about internal losses. The person with the “everything happens for a reason” mentality. I lost her for a little bit, and it took me losing something else to find her again, which I’ll forever be grateful for.

 We all outgrow environments and places eventually, and sometimes it’s when we expect it the least. Outgrowing a place you once loved is SO hard.

I was upset at the people here and anything else involved there…it ultimately wasn’t just the place that felt it had changed, it was me instead. This was a hard pill to swallow but I felt such control over everything once I did. And it took a little to get past the fact that my love for this place wasn’t going to return. This was the place I envisioned I did all my personal growth, and I did..just not in the way I expected. That’s when I began to think: observe it, don’t absorb it. See all the good times for what they were and cherish them, then move on to where you grow the best. Choosing yourself seems cliché but it makes better sense when you’re faced with a situation where you’re forced to. 

We work so hard to fix situations and people that we are able to lose ourselves in the process. The deep internal feeling where you just KNOW you can fix it. But in the reality of life and other people, you can’t. And it isn’t your job to do that– to risk your identity for the sake of others. I had this clear picture in my head of what this upcoming year would look like for me and 2024 really said, “hold my beer.” I had it all mapped out and was planning accordingly for the year ahead until a voice in my head kept telling me to just start fresh, and that’s exactly what I did. I know that my next step won’t be perfect but I am excited for something new. This is your sign to take the step and just do it. I have always said this and will continue to do so because I just proved it to be true….

IT’S NOT THAT DEEP! ❤

*all love to those who were on this journey with me–those who shared the great times and supported me on the days I can screaming into my pillow (being a tad bit dramatic…you know who you are). Each of you hold a special place in my heart, and I’m forever proud of you.