Little World Blog

Excuse me for not posting recently, between wrapping up my first year of college (wow…saying that is crazy!) to starting up a summer job again, finding time to write is difficult. Here we are though…knocking it out at 2 a.m.!

I really want to be this fitness queen that loves to workout all day, everyday, but that just isn’t who I am. I enjoyed working out until around the age of 16, when all the hormones kicked in. However, working out and I have always shared a love-hate relationship because until now, I’ve never had to workout to be ”in shape”, it came naturally due to good genetics- thanks to my momma for that! Run a few sprints and maybe a mile if I was feeling fancy, then bounce right back to tight abs and toned legs. I knew I could get by doing the bare minimum in the gym to be in great shape for whatever sport season was approaching, so I only worked out how I wanted to.

Part of this stems from the fact I had to sneak around my own high school to get a workout in before an administrator kicked me out. I should be excited to go to the gym and workout, but that idea was not supported for myself and most other female athletes at Graham. Coming from a small school, one would think that all athletes were supported equally, but I can’t even come home for summer break and get into the gym at my alma mater- only a year after graduating from there. Sorry, still sharing some angry feelings about that issue…haha. Now as a college athlete, I find it difficult to create a balance of actually enjoying my workouts and getting done what needs to. I don’t fit the “gym girl” stereotype and everything that plays into it. I have MAJOR gym-phobia, causing my workouts to always be half-assed…I know, shame on me. 

However, let me make one thing clear: this is not a representation of my work ethic or my drive to be successful. I want it more than most people, and give it everything I have in basketball scenarios, but lifting has always been where I faulter. I’m not avoiding the gym because I don’t want to get stronger or in better shape, but because of the stigma around it.

I have finally learned to just listen to my body and what it’s telling me, rather than trying to keep up with what I think I should be doing. When I began pre-season workouts, I had this unfamiliar feeling. For the first time in my life, I was experiencing mass insecurity about my body and how I looked compared to friends and other teammates. I would always tell myself, “just go for a run and you’ll feel better”, but that narrative got exhausting very quickly. This year taught me that I can’t define myself according to the workout I had that day because life gets tiring when you try to keep up with it like that.  Any movement is good for your body, and that is something I have been trying to put into practice. Everyday may not be a killer workout day or you may eat some shitty food, but now is the time for that. I may go for a 2 mile run then come home and eat a fudge round, but guess what? I won’t feel bad about it for a second. 

Moral of the story, college athlete or not, you need to do what is right for your body. I still frequently struggle with my phobia of the gym, but I’m slowly learning to just embrace it and do what I should’ve done a long time ago- quit caring and remember how I felt when I saw myself as lean and athletic. To all females in the gym: you’re doing great and I’m proud that you show up everyday- even when you want to strictly sit in the parking lot and jam out rather than actually going in…very guilty of that myself. Keep doing it, everything comes with time!